


I'll Colour Me Blue (Just For You)

by larryisntstraight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying and Homophobia, Cheating, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Football | Soccer, Harry is a bitch at the beginning, Hearing Voices, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm sorry if this is shit but I'm proud of it, M/M, Pining, Smut, There's fluff at parts, There's too much slowburn, Wow what have I done, blackmailing, boyxboy shit obvio, dont hate me for this lol, harry loves reading, harry will be so annoying in this, im a zouis hoe so dont mind unexpected shit in here, kinky shit as well so yeah, louis is an angel in this, niall and liam are barely in this im sorry, oh and Louis has a lip ring, there's offensive shit in here too so yolo, theres death death and death, theres self harm and hella loads of triggering content, too much angst don't read it if you can't take it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 14:48:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20707793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryisntstraight/pseuds/larryisntstraight
Summary: ❝Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass ❞He closed his eyes, a shy smile plastered on his pink lips. His expression was calm, serene even. His voice seemed raspier than its usual self as he spoke next"The moon has flaws, Louis"And Louis smiled too, gently pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he did.He then faced his left in order to steal a glance at the boy next to him, eyes holding a glint of mirth and affection"Exactly" he retorted, sighing as he added once again, "Doesn't make it any less perfect"





	I'll Colour Me Blue (Just For You)

**Author's Note:**

> Yo I'm sorry lmao this might be annoying but I like- worked really hard on this story so smsksk
> 
> There's a trailer on youtube for this and it's on Wattpad too incase you wanna read it
> 
> Feel free to drop in any questions, this is the first time i'm using ao3 to publish
> 
> hope yall like this

_August, Doncaster_

**HOW**** WOULD **you describe fire?

Fire is an element. But then again, fire is also an emotion. A suppressed quality that only rises once feelings resolve. The fire behind your eyes, the fire running through your veins, the fire burning inside your heart— they are all the emotions that you try to conceal. Avoid. Hide from the world because you know how destructive they are. What all they can cause.

There is this small flame of a candle— the one that you barely touch, but suppress your hand away from. But you keep trying. You keep touching, even though it burns a part of your skin. You keep doing it. Spreading your hand above the flame and letting the heat take away a part of you, again and again and again. Just so you can get used to it. Get used to the pain. Get used to the heat and the light that it provides.

Once you do, your hand doesn't shy away anymore. You crave more of it- the burn. The heat.

Once you get used to it, the addiction doesn't go away. You want it, you wait for it even though it pains you. Even though it leaves it's mark on you. Even if it leaves you broken. Shattered from the inside.

But then you find something else. Something that feels better. Something that keeps you away from the flame. Like _ice._

_Th_e coolness of the ice only heals your scars from the burn, without judging you. The warmth of the flame is replaced by the cold ice— but the coolness? It fades into a different kind of warmth, somehow.

It's all about what you adapt to, better.

_**A**__**NNE'S HAND**_**S** swiftly spun the steering wheel as she leaned forward and watched the soft raindrops fall against the window and slide downwards, leaving a thin trail of water against it, making the window seem foggy.

She faced to her right side, revealing her son Harry with his earphones popped in his ears, head resting against the window. His eyes were closed and eyebrows furrowed in distress, a soft crease formed in between. His lips were curled slightly downwards into a frown. The light sound of 'Never Say Never' by The Fray could be heard bursting softly and _almost_ inaudibly through the device.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" She gently asked, patting his thigh cautiously and facing the road again.

She lowered her eyes when she received silence as a response, and concentrated back on driving their black range rover with a gush of sadness hitting her. Nothing could be done if her son wanted to ignore her.

"Harry? Sweetheart, we're here, get up!" Anne shoved Harry in an almost fragile way, and the boy's eyes flew open and he jerked up, his green eyes looking around the street, revealing a row of houses of the same kind. It was still raining, the weather was cold and the sky was turning dark. The silence was defeaning, the trees swayed gently in the cold breeze, the droplets of rain looking like crystals on the leaves before blowing away with the wind. He looked at his mother who was now carrying an umbrella, scurrying towards Harry to prevent him from getting wet due to the rain.

He clutched his flannel shirt tightly, getting out of the car hurriedly and ignoring his mother who was carrying the umbrella. Rushing towards the entrance, he opened the door and shut it just as quickly, not uttering a single word.

Anne stood there with the umbrella in her hand, and the bags still in the car. Sadness darted across her face as she sighed in disappointment. She turned back, ready to grab the boxes when all of a sudden she found herself startled by two people standing near their car.

She put on a fake smile as she approached them- a boy and a woman.

"Hello there, you must be the people who moved next door?" The woman spoke with a smile, clutching her own umbrella tighter. She seemed polite, the smile was soft and gentle- _welcoming _them in the new town.

"Hi, I'm Anne Cox. I moved in with my son-" she turned back to the house with a sad face, which turned into genuine smile when she faced the stranger and the woman spoke next.

"I'm Johannah, but please call me Jay. Would you like some help with the boxes?" Jay spoke, concerned. She looked at the boy beside her who smiled, and spoke for both of them "Because we have time" 

"Oh, are you sure? I could use some help but I don't want to put you all through any trouble-"

"Oh it's no trouble!" Jay responded with a wave of her hand. She looked at the boy again and nodded "This is my son"

"I'm Louis" the boy spoke and Anne nodded at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. She eyed him curiously and smiled again. "Louis," she repeated in a soft tone.

And the boy seemed a little relieved that she was not scared by his appearance. Everyone had seemingly judgemental reactions when they first saw him, probably because of the ink littering his body like words on a page. He saw the kid and Anne as soon as they reached, infact he saw them when they had passed his school. He was coming home and couldn't ignore the black range rover crossing his path.

Jay nodded towards Louis again and he immediately got to work, ignoring the rain as he rushed towards the back of the car.

Anne opened the trunk and Louis picked up a middle sized box. The rain had started pouring at a slower pace, and would have probably stopped in a few minutes. It was gentle, Louis really loved it. 

"Here, sweetie," Anne helped him as she carried another box, Jay carrying a bag along with having Anne under the umbrella. The boy smiled at the two women and walked towards the house, more than curious to find out about the boy who had almost abandoned his mother on the street in front of their own house.

Anne opened the door and he dried his feet off on the mat, gesturing to Anne as to where to keep the box.

"_Oh!_ wait-" Anne responded "Harry!" She yelled, facing the staircase and a few seconds later, a boy emerged in a pair of sweatpants and a black T-shirt.

Louis' eyes raked over him, wide as they took in the beauty. The boy was tall, slender and skinny but in a good way. His chocolate brown curls stopped just below his ears as they swayed with every movement. His eyes were as green as freshly mowed grass, though they seemed to have lost the sparkle they once had. His skin looked soft and pale in a beautiful way. His hands clutched the banister as he stepped down, a frown etched onto his face.

"What?" He asked in a deep, raspy voice, eyes skimming over to the two very wet strangers standing in front of him.

"Harry, this is Jay and Louis, our neighbours. Be polite and help them out with boxes" Anne smiled at him. Surprisingly, her eyes showed otherwise as she looked at him then gestured at the guests. Sadness, maybe.

"Please" she added after a second of hesitation.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and looked at Louis. His eyes ran up and down his body, as if trying to look for flaws in the boys. One thing to point out, one thing to judge, one thing to make him hate Harry before he found out anything about him himself. Honestly, Harry's motto now was 'Make everyone hate you'

"Hi, I'm Louis" the boy told him with a cheerful voice and a wide grin, extending his hand.

Harry eyed his hand, then swiftly darted his eyes up and down the small boy in front of him once again.

The boy had brown hair slided into a red beanie, a lip ring was placed on the left side of his thin, pink lip. His eyes were the bluest, most cerulean, colour of the ocean that there is. Tattoos, loads of tattoos littered his body. He was wearing a white tank top along with a black flannel shirt on top, denim shorts and black vans without any socks. 

When Louis noticed that Harry hadn't shook his hand, he awkwardly pulled it away and looked around the room, trying to ignore Harry's stare.

"Harry Styles" the curly haired boy responded in a monotone, along with a nod. However, the look of disappointment in Louis' eyes made something snap in him, and he extended his hand out shyly, watching the way a smile crept onto Louis' face as he shook it, nodding his head.

Anne gave Louis an apologetic grin which he shook away with a wave of his hand, then she motioned Harry with her eyes to help. The boy rolled his eyes before stepping out into the humid weather, his slippers making splashes in the puddles outside the doorstep. He just wanted to sleep and get away from reality, honestly.

"Hey" he heard someone call out from behind him, and he jerked a little. But then his eyes went cold once when saw that it was that Louis guy. That boy looked like he brought dark vibes, but he was actually pretty cheerful. And Harry didn't like cheerful.

He grabbed a box from the back of his car, ignoring the other lad more than necessary and Louis did the same whilst staring at Harry curiously.

Harry tried to ignore it, but the boy didn't seem to want to take his eyes off the curly haired boy, so he sighed in frustration as soon as he walked inside his house.

"What?!" He snapped at Louis who gave him a small smile.

"You don't speak much" he replied.

"And you speak too much" Harry muttered and stepped away, walking towards the stairs, leaving Louis alone.

The blue eyed boy looked at the box in his hands that was labelled '_Harry's_ _room__'_ and then he peeped through the living room, listening to the laughter of his mother and Anne coming from the couch.

He smiled at the back of their heads and then backed off, carefully stepping up the stairs. Once upstairs, he found himself standing alone in the small hallway.

He looked around, lost, but then decided to do something.

"Umm.." he contemplated whether to call him, but then finally took a decision.

"_Harry_?!" He called out, and stood for a few seconds before the door he was standing next to was opened with a loud bang.

"_Yes?_" Harry snapped again, his eyes narrowed at the tattooed boy in front of him

'_Punk__'_ A voice whispered in the back of his head. Goddammit, not that voice again.

_Don't judge, Harry._ He reminded himself.

He couldn't help it. He had to make everyone hate him before they found other reasons to do so themselves.

"Uh..I believe this belongs to your room" Louis handed him the box, which Harry snatched away almost protectively

"Oh-kayy" Louis mumbled, awkwardly standing. Cute.

Harry turned to shut the door but was stopped when Louis stuck his foot out.

"Ow" 

Harry rolled his eyes. This boy was too nosey for his own good.

"Wouldn't you like to show me your room?" Louis muttered "Or maybe I could show you around?" he asked, rubbing his hands together.

"No thanks I'm good" Harry mumbled with a fake smile, making the other boy roll his eyes.

"Can I come in?" He asked, quirking his eyebrows and Harry thought for a while before he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"No" he responded with a smirk, Louis sighed.

"We can be friends you know?" 

"No thank you" Harry responded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fine, whatever" Louis rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, when Jay called out his name, and he fiercely turned to say good-bye to Harry. However, he was a little disappointed when the boy had already shut the door on his face.

A mysterious lad he was. A challenge. _Nice_.

Louis sighed to himself, disapprovingly shaking his head and prodding down the stairs, looking up at his mom who seemed to be in a good mood.

"We'll get going Anne!" She exclaimed to Harry's mum, who gave her a tight and genuine grin.

"Please keep visiting, I guess you could show me around?" Anne replied with a wink and Jay chuckles.

"Alright yeah, I'll text you, see ya!" She said and tugged at Louis, motioning him to come.

Louis gave Anne a smile. "See you Mrs. Cox"

Anne nods at him "Call me Anne, sweetheart"

Louis gave her a grin along with a thumbs up but then is pulled back when Anne grabbed his sleeve.

"Um.. Sorry about Harry, he's just been through a lot" she rubbed the side of her arm with a guilty look on her face.

"Oh, I understand Mrs-I mean Anne, sorry" he chuckled "Moving away and stuff could be tiring. I'd _lik__e_ to be friends with him, he seems pretty cool to have around"

Anne smiled fondly "He is" She trailed off "I look forward to having you here. Thank you so much Louis, I hope I can return the favour some day"

"It's okay Anne, welcome to Donny anyway-"

"Louis!" Jay called out again.

"_Coming_ _mum__!_ I should go now, tell Harry I said bye! Thanks" and with that Louis shot out of the front door and walked towards his house, an arm around his mother's shoulder.

As soon as he entered his own room, he plopped down on his bed with his shoes still on. He messed with his lip ring, biting his lip, deep in thought that revolved around the new mysterious green eyed boy.

He sighed and shook his head, looking up to see the time. '8:10'

He groaned, lifting himself up from the overly comfortable bed (it wasn't made yet but no one needed to know) and pulled back the chair on his study table. He sat down and opened his laptop. 

He looked up his geography project on wikipedia but it wasn't of much help this time because his Wifi was literally shit. But he needed to do the work or he would fail geography (again) so if staying up would mean him getting anything but an 'F'.  
So he would do it (hesitantly) but he will.

He wrote for about 4 hours (he thought he did) but when he turned to the clock it said '8:30'.

"Oh for fuck's sake" he groaned, shutting the screen of the laptop loudly. He banged his head on the table and then pulled back fiercely.

"Ow" he winced, running his fingers across his forehead.

He closed his eyes and facepalmed, shaking his head when he heard the sounds of classical music coming from downstairs.

"Mum! I'm tryna study shut the damn music off please!" He yelled, staring at the floor.

"You're banging your head on the table!" she yelled back just as loudly "Don't you dare fail geography this time!" Jay called out and he could almost hear her roll her eyes. He shook his head, a stupid smile playing on his lips.

These were some of the moments where he just reminded himself how much he loved his mum.

Suddenly, he got an idea and he quickly opened his laptop, going to the Facebook app.

He flickered over to the search bar and typed in the name.

Harry Styles.

He let out a huff when he saw no satisfying results and then shut the damn laptop again.

"Fuck this shit I'm out" Louis sighed and then took his vans off, then his flannel shirt, throwing it into a pile of clothes in the corner of his room.

He jumped (literally jumped) on top of his bed and stared at the ceiling, his arms crossed under his head.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes and shaking his head full of curiosity for the green eyed boy.

"What school does he go to?" He mumbled to himself then faced the other side of the bed, swirling his tongue across the cold metal pierced into the side of his lip. 

He fell asleep right after.

\--

*Trigger warning*

  
Slice.

The emptiness crawled around him, as if mocking him, smirking at him, reminding him how worthless he was.

How no one could love him, how he didn't even deserve to live.

Another slice.

He absentmindedly glanced at the ceiling, as if questioning his own existence and there was no one to comfort him, no one to remind him that he deserved life, that he deserved love like no other.

But he was alone, and the only friend he had was his trustworthy blade. The sharp edge sliced his pale arm perfectly, the red blood oozing like any other day. He ran the blade down, pushing deep as he sliced his skin again. It stung, it _stung so so much_ but it made him feel so much better.

He smiled at the blood, the tears swelling in his eyes due to the pain. He was used to it, though every other cut gave you a different kind of pain, considering what you had thought of while slicing deep into your skin. _He was used to it._

The way it dripped down his soft skin, the way the pain distracted him from his past, the way the stinging sensation made him forget about the world for atleast one, amazing second. He loved all of it.

"Harry you there sweetie?" 

It was like a reflex action, his mother's voice was the salt to the wound, the fuel to the flame as he dropped the blade and immediately rushed over to the sink, cursing at how his self harm session had been interrupted once again.

He ran his hand under the cold water, piercing eyes watching the blood run down the white sink, a contast of sin and clarity.

"Harry are you inside?" Anne called out once again, her voice laced with concern which she was trying not to show. She knocked on the bathroom door a few times before it flung open, the boy towering over her mother who looked like she could break down any instant.

"What is it, mother?" He questioned, hand not leaving the door.

"Baby d-do you wanna eat something? I can make you your favourite steak if you w-want?" her voice cracked as she tried smiling, eyes watery because she knew very well what he had been doing in there.

"I'm not hungry" And with that, Harry shut the bathroom door on her face and she let out a loud sniff, even though she didn't want Harry to hear how weak she was.

She kept reminding herself that she was strong for his son, she would never leave his side, she would protect him from wrongs no matter what, but she couldn't keep it.

And she thought whatever happened was her fault. Even though it wasn't, she couldn't bring herself to believe the latter. 

Her son, her baby angel, her baby hazza was going through something that he was too innocent for, something that no one was supposed to go through, and she couldn't protect him from it.

She wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes and walked out of the room in a rush, entering her own and slamming the door shut; one thought on her mind:

Why can't guardian angels be real?


End file.
